six years - five or six boyfriends later, not counting the terrible dates in between, three moves, and a marriage. when i started this blog, i wanted to create a space to share my scrapbooking. i wanted to be as good as all of those other project lifers and make someone look at my space and say 'wow.' then i started recipes, moved on to life stuff, home renovations, and now life stuff and photography (maybe!). i could never stick to something because i was constantly trying to keep up with the trending internet i follow so much. now, i need a space for me. to say hell with it on who follows me or who sees it. create an outlet for myself.
my marriage, which is still weird for me to say, is moving. i can't tell if it's moving in a direction that is good or if it's only moving because time is making us continue. and then i think about how is it possible to already be thinking it. we started eight months ago, but before that it was hard. i have a lot of trust issues - a lot of trust issues with boys and drinking and letting myself feel vulnerable. i'm not good with vulnerable. i'm not good with giving up control on my emotions and letting someone else be a factor in how i feel. also, sometimes and probably most of the time; i am terrible at communication, especially when i get mad. i shut down. i don't let myself feel anything and walk away. defense mechanism? we are trying to figure it out; i'm trying to figure it out. marriage is about partnerships and compromises and i'm not really good at that right now. i need to be better because he deserves better. it's just going to take me time. we will get through it together.
samantha cald photography.
cald(well) is my future last name if i decide to change it. i tried to convince him to merge our names and go caldcia but he shot me down, ha.
it sounded catchier than my last name. it has opened a door of new creativity and money out the door! but also in. it has been so so so much fun to photograph and edit these stories and be apart of the lives of people i know and don't know. i got pretty good at it! i've been learning more and can't wait to continue to practice and find ways to interact with clients. i want it to continue. i need to create a website. i started. i changed it. i gave up because i got busy. eventually i'll learn how to do it myself.
and to end on a better note.
here are some photos i took from a styled wedding shoot in upstate new york. it was magical.
