quote of the moment.

Feb 27, 2013

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.  - M. Scott Peck

I am growing.
Growing into an amazing person.
Because I fell in love with someone who changed me.

Who made me think outside of my box.
Who showed me more than what I had ever imagined.
The deep discomfort I felt when it all came crashing down..
   was exactly what I needed to find myself.
To find what I wanted in life.
And follow my dreams.

It happens for a reason.
I found the reason
and I embrace it, in every way possible.

You are wonderful.
You are great.
Do not let anything stop you from what you want in life.

a girls night

Feb 25, 2013

It is exactly what I needed, a fun night of dressing up and dancing the night away. I really do love to get dressed up. In high school, you would have never caught me in a dress. Now? I love it.

I don't need to drink to enjoy myself and I think that is what makes my time better. No hangovers, just exhaustion. I love my dress. I want to wear it again. I definitely will. It looks amazing on me. I can actually admit that with all honesty. By the end of the night though, I felt a little empty, but it happens right? Overall, it was a great night of dancing and laughing with some crazy girls. DO AC!

currents: february edition

Feb 22, 2013

DATE // 02.22.13

WATCHING // Fifa push her toy against me

READING // boring Human Resources articles

LISTENING // the "Get Ready" mix on my iTunes

EATING // multigrain Cheerios in vanilla almond milk

DRINKING // Twinnings Pomegranate black tea, new favorite

ENJOYING // my life

THINKING // I can not wait until tomorrow

LOVING // this post from This American Girl

WONDERING // what the summer is going to be like this year

CREATING // new memories

WANTING // Saturday night to be here

my best friends wedding.

Feb 21, 2013

To say that I was happy to be there is probably an understatement.
Driving 10 hours there and then 10 hours back was completely worth it. It was fate that we had met, we were two normal young professionals living in a house which brought us closer together. Our pasts meshed so well and we both knew what it meant to go through heartache. We sat up during the night, watching TV and bullshitting about whatever we could think of. We laughed at the same things. Although she lives far away, it doesn't stop us from being so close.

A girls day. It's what we both needed. She needed someone to be there to prep with her for the big day. I needed her to comfort me in coping with my situation. It was a great day. Waffle House, manicures, pedicures, FURBY searching (don't ask), Olive Garden, bubble teas, ordering a bouquet. It was wonderful. And to top it all off, we waited to watch the season premiere of SMASH together.. and it was amaazzzinnnggg, sorry John haha.

The next day.. February 9, 2013.
It was a botanical garden. Talk about hiking in high heels. Let's never do that again. It was perfect. I missed a snowstorm up North and somehow, someone looked down on us and made sure their day was beautiful. Sunny and not too cold, just stand in the sun. It was short and sweet. Only a small gathering. They exchanged their vows and smiled. Smiled because they knew they had found each other and it was happening. I loved being there. I loved experiencing how much they loved each other. It didn't need to be a big wedding to be magical.

Signing the witnessing papers was probably one of those big moments in my life that I will never forget. To be apart of something so special, to someone so special to me was wonderful. To know how much it meant to her for me to be there and how much it meant to me, to be there. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I am so happy I was there to sign as her witness. To take pictures of this moment so they could share it with friends and family.

 Forever can never be long enough for me, to feel like I've had long enough with you. Now that the wait is over, and love has finally shown her my way. Marry me. Today and every day 

Congratulations to my best friend, Priscilla, & her wonderful husband, John. I can not wait to celebrate again.

a wonderful valentine

Feb 17, 2013

Isn't she the cutest Valentine ever? I sure think so.

As I walked over to my desk this was there the first thing in the morning. It made my day. It made me tear up, knowing how much love and support I have at work and in my personal life. It was a great card and I thank her for making my day that much better.

The night before, I decided to make these little Valentine's Day candy bags for everyone at work and then a few more for other people in the building that I am close with. Everyone loved them, they each had a different message on them. "You are loved," "have a great day," "you are awesome." Stuff like that. I had left one for someone who wasn't there all day and she texted me later in the night saying the love you put out into the world is going to come back tenfold, that made me smile. I bought this carnation for my friend John who had gotten me brownies and a mixed CD (which I love).

Priscilla is an angel and sent me a $5 giftcard to Starbucks on FB. I was excited. I gave up coffee for lent so I will be using this when I go back to it! And no I am not religious, I do it more for discipline reasons and I enjoy knowing that I can do that. And last but not least, I bought Fifa a nice toy for Valentine's Day that she proceeded to tear into pieced about an hour after I gave it to her. I'm not sure why I continue to buy her toys but it makes her happy so it makes me happy.

Overall, it was a great day spent with friends. OH, and I saw Safe Haven that night too with a friend of mine.. totally not worth it though. Womp womp. But it was a good day. And I will continue to enjoy these good days. All we can do is move forward.

music heals the soul

Feb 12, 2013

It's been the longest winter without you,
I didn't know where to turn to.
See, somehow I can't forget you,
After all that we've been through.

Going, coming... thought I heard a knock
Who's there? No one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know

If you didn't notice, boy, you mean everything.
Quickly I'm learning to love again,
All I know is I'm gon' be okay

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, ooh yeah
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you,
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV,
Without something there that would remind me
It wasn't all that easy
To just put aside your feelings.
If I'm dreaming, don't wanna lie,
Hurt my feelings

But that's the path
I believe in,
And I know that time will heal it

If you didn't notice, well
You mean everything.
Quickly I'm learning to love again,
All I know is I'm gon' be okay

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, ooh yeah
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you,
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to, ooooooh
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go so I can be free
And live my life how it should be.
No matter how hard it is,
I'll be fine without you, yes I will.

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too ohhhh
It'll all get better in time ooooh
And even though I really love you
I wanna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time, woah

Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too, yeahh
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to

I think music has gotten me through all of this so much faster. I love finding songs that just speak to me. That someone knows what it felt like and can make it sound so much better after it all.

School has been busier than I ever imagined it would be. A paper every week. Not just one, sometimes two. A few journals, forums to discuss, more and more.. when will it stop?! Although I looked at the Convocation Ceremony and seriously, it's 3 months away. THREE MONTHS. I will be able to add a Masters to my resume! HOLY CRAP. I am doing amazing things with my life and will continue even more after I am finished with school.

This past weekend was amazing. I was able to watch my best friend get married. I was able to sign their wedding license as one of the witnesses. I can not even being to explain how awesome that was. I will be posting pictures soon, most of them are already edited on my FB but I can't wait to finish all of them. It was amazing to see her and be with her. Having a breakdown with her there is better than with anyone else. She knows exactly what to say and do to help me get through all of this. John, her husband, was also really supportive. I am really really happy for the two of them.

Moving right along..

how to mend a broken heart

Feb 5, 2013

I am lucky enough to have the greatest support system behind me and like someone had said, it shows the kind of person I am to have so many people care for my well-being. I am also lucky enough to have been introduced to this post from This American Girl by Emily and it gave me the last push I needed in order to comfortably move on from this situation. By no means am I happy with the outcome of my situation, if I could see this any differently, I surely would, but there is "no use crying over spilled milk" and it is time to let go.

I have come to the conclusion that has helped me move on.. I did nothing wrong. I gave everything of my being to be the person I am and to make him happy. If this was not good enough, I wish him well on his journey in life and I hope one day he finds what he is looking for. As for myself, I know that I am a determined person and loving in all ways, I am here for when the person I am meant to be with comes along.. and if it is him in the future again, I will be here with open arms.

This American Girl post has really made me see a better light.

Step 1: Breathe. 
Like she says, it sounds so simple but in the moments when I would sob until my insides hurt, breathing was what helped bring me back to reality. When I sat at work and almost broke down, my friend John would calm me down and tell me to take deep breathes and I would, then I would stop the anxiety. Taking a deep breathe has cleared my head more than once and it really is so simple.

Step 2: Distance.
This is the hardest part. To want to look at my phone and call, to not talk to someone I have talked to everyday for the last 2.5 years, oh how it hurts. But this is the best thing. I have found that not speaking has made my heart feel better because although I still care, I won't let myself continue to be sad. Distance will make this better. Distance from talking, seeing, being with each other.

She says "the more distance you create, the more room you have to fill with things you want now, for yourself." It couldn't be more true. And eventually this distance will take me to the other side of the country and I will be in an even better place for myself.

Step 3: Fill the hole with good things that make you feel fulfilled.
I have found things to nourish me and my life. My friends, my coworkers, baking, school, Fifa.. it helps so much.

Step 4: Settle into your discomfort.
This was not easy. It's still not easy. There are moments at home alone I feel like breaking down and then I breathe and say to myself you did nothing wrong, stop beating yourself up. I take a moment to compose myself then I occupy my time.

Step 5: Be in the present.
Feel happy. Check.

Step 6: Free yourself from the story of your past relationship.
She says it perfectly. It's time to stop reliving that story and create a new one.

Step 7: Alone.
Being in my house all alone has made this step move faster. There are moments when I need friends to keep me company and moments I blast my music and play with the dog and I am completely fine. I love myself enough to know that I will not be alone forever and I am okay. I am stronger than this. Being alone is not the end of the world.

Step 8: Let it go.
Goodbye. To the person I thought completed me. To the person I will always love and appreciate for all of the things he brought into my life. For changing my life and opening my eyes to a new perspective of food, travel, and life in general. You were the greatest gift I could have ever asked for to change my life and you made me grow. Grow into the person I love. You showed me that not every experience is bad and that someone could treat me well. I say goodbye to you, whether you read this or not, I love you and this is goodbye. Goodbye to our past and maybe one day in the future a new hello.

Let. it. go.

Step 9 & 10: Believe and start to love again.
Now there is no way I will be ready for love again right now, but I know one day it will find me. It will bring me a person who loves all of me, someone I do not have to convince, someone who can appreciate all of my quirkiness. Someone who will smile at me because he loves me as much as I love him. One day I will find the person who wants nothing more than to have a future with me. 

Here's to looking ahead. Here's to looking at the future and accomplishing every goal I have set for myself.
Hello 2013, I am ready for you. 

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