Apr 29, 2013

What a great week.

I went out to celebrate with 2 of my grad school friends, we were missing our quad because J didn't want to come out! It was a good night being back on Easton, I feel old going to some of my undergrad bars. It wasn't as bad as I thought because it wasn't too crowded. I ran into an old sorority sister who was doing promotions there, a nice surprise! We all had a blast, they got drunk and we laughed all night. Seriously, I love them. I am so happy that we all became such good friends.

The last picture is of me and my high school boyfriend M.
How funny how times have changed. We had dinner and caught up on life. His niece is now 10 years old, which means we dated 10 years ago. I can not even believe that. It is so crazy to me. He is doing so well for himself and I could not be happier for him. Like I told him, I didn't spend 3 years shaping him up to turn out bad haha.
I loved seeing him. It was a wonderful dinner.

Rutgers Day!
Being out in the sun really wears you out. I was volunteering for 5 hours passing out candy, tote bags, all the goodies. Giving away stuff when people answered our questions correctly, and even when they didn't. Some of my favorite EOHSI people were there and I had a blast. I ate cotton candy at 10:30 in the morning. Sugar rush? Yes.

Afterwards I went to visit some old college friends. BBQ, football, cornhole, and beer pong. Oh spring you are looking wonderful. These guys all went to high school with me too, but we didn't hang out until college and it was wonderful to see them. They are a great group of guys. Good looking group too! Yeah we are.

It was very eventful.
I have been stressing out over school. This is the last week of classes and I need to finish up some work ASAP.
So on that note, off I go!

I hope you all had great weekends!

qotm/this week

Apr 26, 2013

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. - Marilyn Monroe

When my love life was falling apart around me my best friend P kept me strong. Through the constant phone calls, texts, and pep talks she always knew exactly what to say to make me feel like I would be okay. One of my favorite things was this quote. Because when I look at my life right now, things are falling together and I smile.

This past weekend I met up with him to get the rest of my things back.
I had been waiting for this moment for a long time and if you had asked me a month ago how I saw it going, I would have told you that I wanted to pour my heart out and tell him how much he had hurt me and how I could not believe the way he went about this whole situation. In reality, it didn't go like that. We sat in a parking lot where we used to go to the movies and talked. We asked how we were and we awkwardly laughed at each other and we were happy that the other was doing well. I genuinely was happy to hear he was doing well and a bit sad to see us this way.

Can we be friends?
I have no idea.
Do I want to be?
I have no idea because before we met up, I assumed I would never speak to him again after I received my things. And who knows, maybe that will happen.
We are both happy and I am content with that.

I find it a bit amusing talking about my ex, considering tonight I am going out to dinner with my ex from high school. But those feelings with M don't exist. We dated so long ago and we were still friends afterwards. He is in town for a few weeks and I have no problem seeing him and I am so excited to see him. It's been over 3 years. People that say you can not be friends with your ex are not always right.

This week has been a blur.
  • I went to J's volleyball games. I am awkward. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I could talk to a brick wall and have a full conversation, yet with him - I am tongue tied and have no idea what to say. I am not myself and it confuses me. I just don't think I'm ready, but it was enjoyable.
  • Presentations this week. Classes are just about done. One class is completely done for me. OMG.
  • Bars on a Wednesday night? Yes. I am getting too old for that though. I love my friends. Pictures soon to come. Graduation week has been planned, decorations have been getting ready. We are all ready. KBSJ. We can not wait.

Volunteering this weekend. BBQs and friends. Homework. I love the sunny weather that is approaching.

Enjoy the weekend everyone!

25 secrets

Apr 23, 2013

I am actually terrified to move to California; but I can not wait.

Being a vegetarian and driving manual are two things he taught me that I am eternally grateful for.

I haven't gained weight since I was 14.

So no, being a vegetarian is not the reason I am this skinny. Genetics. All genetics.

I write in all capital letters.

And it's really difficult for me to write lowercase, I forget sometimes.

I talk to my best friend on the phone everyday on my drive home from work.

And the conversation is always different.

When someone takes the parking spot I am leaving, I get really excited and happy for them (seriously, don't judge).

This song broke my heart and got me through everything all at the same time. Confusing, I know.

11 is my favorite number.

Yet, I dislike odd numbers except numbers that are a multiple of 5.

The Big Bang Theory makes me laugh out loud ALL of the time.

Finding a new job is going to suck because I love my coworkers.

I laugh at almost anything mildly humorous.

Probably when it's not that funny, I still laugh or at least have a huge smile on my face.

For this reason, I have a terrible poker face.

I went on a date 2 weeks ago :)

I am addicted to Starbucks coffee: iced, caramel, soy (only when it's made correctly though).

I will never date a guy who doesn't like Fifa.

This list is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

Avocados make me cringe, I keep trying them and can't get passed the texture.

The incorrect use of your and you're drives me absolutely crazy.

I refuse to drive through a "drive-thru" because they scare me.

In 16 days I will no longer be 25.

inspired by Elise

letting go.

Apr 21, 2013

I'm letting go, but I've never felt better.
Passing by all the monsters in my head
      - Slow and Steady - Of Monsters And Men

I love this song. I listen to it almost everyday.
I have a playlist of songs that have helped me get through this mess. Some make my heart ache because I still wonder what could I have done differently and some bring me to the reality that I am doing just fine without you. That maybe what people say is right, I am better off and one day I will look back and realize it was the best thing.

I deserve more.
I deserve better.
I am worth more than I ever thought.

My past relationships have always had some lessons learned. I need to learn to stop always thinking about the other person first when it isn't reciprocated. I need to learn to take care of myself and enjoy who I am without losing myself in someone else's life.

We accept the love we think we deserve.
This weekend I watched Perks of Being a Wallflower and this was one of my favorite quotes. I think I deserve more. I deserve to find someone who will understand me and make me feel good about myself. I deserve to find someone who will do the things I love because it makes them happy too. And he did at times, but things changed. We changed.

I am finding myself through all of this. And I love it.
I am being bold and going after what I want. And it paid off.
There's other fish in the sea.

I closed a chapter of my life today and as I drove away crying, I took a breath and could feel the heaviness of it all disappear.
I love him and I appreciate him, so much more this past week or two, because I let go. I was able to look back and finally not care. I stopped caring about why. It really doesn't matter why. Nothing will change and as much as I had hoped for months that things could change and I could be that girl to make him happy, it wasn't going to happen. I can not make someone love me and I shouldn't have to convince someone to either.
I am so happy to say goodbye, and maybe hello again in the future.

So I stopped thinking about him and started thinking about someone else.
And that cheesy butterfly feeling came back.
We accept the love we think we deserve.

And I deserve to be happy.

what's going on..

Apr 20, 2013

And the countdowns begin..
My birthday: 18 days
Graduation: 3 weeks
Cape Cod: 4.5 weeks
Disney World: 8 weeks.
Moving to California: undetermined, but definite.

Yes. Three weeks until graduation. And I can not wait because those girls are awesome. I am so happy I met them and they make graduating that much better. AC for "senior week" and my birthday, decorating our caps, and just having an all around blast before we finish our Masters degrees. Three of us will be taking a summer class together and spending a lot of our time at the beach too.

My life right now?
Once again a roller coaster of emotional craziness. I think I blame PMS for a lot of it but I also think that being an open book has been my gateway to feeling better.
My life is falling into place. My future is looking brighter and I am happier than I have been in a long time. I am finally looking beyond what happened and understanding that we learn from our mistakes and you grow from the experiences in your life.

I find myself reconnecting with friends and enjoying it so much more than I used to.
I find myself not having to worry about what someone else might think of my actions and judge me for being the person I am.
I find myself branching out.

California is in my sights and I can feel it. As the weather gets nicer, I can feel myself enjoying it all-year-round, not just for the summer. My grad school friends say no and want me to stay but they're excited because they will have someone to visit. My coworkers are sad because they will miss me but they are beyond excited for me to graduate. A party to be planned. I love my job. I hate science but love my coworkers. But that is still far away.

Vacations this summer.
Beach every weekend.
Graduation. Graduation. Graduation.
It's what I am thinking about right now. I worked so hard for this and he was the reason I did it so quickly, I am so thankful for that.

But for now I will enjoy my life because I deserve it.

rewrite this story

Apr 15, 2013

Someone tell me when
I can start again
And rewrite this story
How long can I stay
Lost without a way to rewrite
I wish I could rewrite this story 

I have had a few songs from the SMASH cast on repeat the last week or so and this is one song I love.
Rewriting my story to fit the life I want to live and the person I want to become.

After reading this post from This American Girl it was just more inspiration. I love her blog, it really is so inspirational and has helped me in more ways than one to move on from the pain. I am exactly who I want to be and know that within the next year I will be exactly where I want to be, on my own. I believe that I am capable of so many things and do not need someone else to be with me in order to follow my dreams. Although at one point it was our dream, it is now my own and I will embrace it alone. I do not need someone who will abandon me the way he did or treat me in such a negative way. I will not be stuck, not like him.

These past four months have been a roller coaster of emotion and I have finally moved on to a better place.

I am happy.
I am free.

I am okay without you.

And I never thought I would get there. I never thought I could be okay without the one person I thought I would spend my life with. It came crashing down and I was able to pick up the pieces. My friends were there to lift me up when I was left alone and broken. I am so very grateful to those people.

Now it is time to write my story the way I want it to be written.
It is time to be my own person and not let the past of my broken heart and memories of you hold me back.

weekend recap: fifa

Apr 7, 2013

Finally, the weather is picking up. It is getting into the high 60's and 70's and spending time outside is a must. Warm weather means Fifa being outside for almost the entire day. She loves it and so do I. The fenced in yard is probably the best thing ever for her and I can leave her outside for hours without worrying about her. Unconditional love is what I have for this dog, my fur baby.

She made sure to wake me up Saturday morning to go outside and play. After an entire day outside she is exhausted, I love this part too. Today was no different, I even sat outside on the porch to do homework while I watched her run around. It is going to be in the mid-70's this week. Yes. I hope you all had a wonderful weekend as well :)

vegan muffins

Apr 2, 2013

2 1/4 cups organic flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
2/3 cup brown sugar
6 tablespoons vegan butter, melted and cooled
1/2 cup peanut butter
2 flax eggs
1 cup soy milk
1/2 cup mini vegan semi-sweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 375ºF.

In a large bowl, mix flour, baking powder, salt and brown sugar.

Prepare two flax eggs: mix together 1 tablespoon flaxseed meal + 2 tablespoons water = 1 egg. Make two and let sit for 5 minutes. In a medium bowl, whisk together the melted butter (microwaved about 20 seconds), peanut butter, flax eggs, and soy milk until smooth.

Pour wet and dry mixture together and mix until combined (I put this in my KitchenAid). Fold in chocolate chips.

Line muffin pan with cupcake liners or spray with non-stick. Fill liners 2/3 of the way or use 3 tablespoon cookie scoop.

Bake for 17-20 minutes.

Source: adapted from Kaitlin in the Kitchen

I would like to thank Pinterest for this and someone I follow for pinning it. I know we all pin things and then never actually follow through with them. When it comes to recipes, I like to actually try them and this one was pretty easy! I have been looking for more breakfast type foods and this will be a good supplement to my smoothies, parfait (post coming later), and/or cereal. I need an on-the-go type of food because my hour long drive is really boring, no I mean really really boring. Plus, I love to veganize things!

This recipe made about 18 muffins and they taste yummy! They are definitely muffin-type because they are not super sweet like cupcakes but that's the point.. it's a muffin. I like them! And I hope you enjoy them too.

april goals

Apr 1, 2013

It is technically spring but it really has yet to feel like it. Saturday was beautiful, the rest of the days have been pretty crappy. I want the weather to get better so Fifa and I can run around outside. I also want to study in the sun porch and maybe be able to tan on my backyard haha. But it is a new month with new goals.

Did I accomplish last months?
Eh. A few!
I did yoga, more workouts than yoga. I started eating more vegan at home and less cheese when I'm out and about. I bought a new bathing suit from VS and I love it! When I get tan the coral pink suit is going to look awesome! haha. I didn't bake a new recipe but I made a vegan breakfast parfait. It's filling and delicious!

So now on to April goal.
  1. Create cover letters & spruce up my resume.
  2. Play with Fifa outside more.
  3. Continue to workout.
  4. Organize my room and house.
  5. Breathe in and let go of negativity. Embrace change.

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