on a serious note.

Jun 8, 2012

I think I have a new appreciation for blogging.
I used to have a blog when I was younger, all we ever wrote about were stupid boys and girls we hated, we vented, caused problems, and then all made up again. We had our moments that we wanted other people to really care about our life and read what we had to say. I finally realize that it doesn't matter if other people read it, so long as you feel like what you wrote is good enough for you. I started this blog because I wanted it for my Project Life pictures, if you haven't noticed- I'm behind, and it became my place to talk about me, my life, my feelings.. and I like it so much more. Every morning I wake up, get ready for work, and read blogs. Blogs about people I have never met and probably never will meet, but I love to read what they write. I love to see what it's like to be in a different place or even state of mind. I think I'm young compared to the people I read or I feel young. Reading these blogs make me excited for the future and what it will be like to be married or even have children, if I decide to.

And that brings me to another part.. children. My roommate and I were having a conversation about our boyfriends and being at a different point in our lives. She does not want children, I can not be sure if she wants marriage, but she said she is not sure if that will ever change. She asked me how I dealt with it when I told Steve I didn't want to get married or have children, but I think I'm a different person now. I met someone who has changed everything for me, someone who I can spend the rest of my life with, someone I want to have children with one day. Someone that I want to grow old with and still look 10 years younger than. He makes me excited for the future and what we will have one day. I love thinking about my scrapbook and showing it to my children one day.. then saying "see, mom and dad used to have tons of fun and we were cool."

Sometimes I was nervous about writing more "serious" or less happy topics on here, but than I think about it and it's mine. I can do what I want with it. My life has never always been happy and smiles, I appear that way a lot of the time because I usually am, but my past has not always been sunshine. There were points in my life that I thought I would never see "the light at the end of the tunnel" because I was in such a horrible relationship. It consumed my life and I was nothing more than a girl trying to be good enough for someone who had no intentions of treating me the way I should. I used to blog about it secretly and after it was over I erased all of it and in a way I wish I had not done that because it was apart of me, a place that I will never be at again because I have someone who can appreciate me. As terrible and horrible as that person was, I forgave what happened, I forgave him and I forgave myself for how bad I was as well, but I could not forget.

*I will never forget the moments I sat in my room sobbing and hoping that it would just end, that my life would suddenly stop so that I would not have to deal with such hurt.
*I will never forget the moment I walked away and said no, this isn't going to happen to me anymore.
*I will never forget the moment that Steve came into my life and my light was at the end of the tunnel.
*I will never forget the moment he told me loved me and how I knew only after a month of knowing each other that he was going to be the person I would one day marry.

He makes it all better. He makes the hurt all disappear. And he loves us, by us I mean myself and my furry little dog.

And with that, I leave you this.

She think she can sit like her dad, so unladylike.

Enjoy the weekend, I know I will be :)

1 comment

  1. Lovely post, Sammy.
    And that is the cutest photo, seriously.
    Ronnie xo


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