instaweek.

What a great week.

I went out to celebrate with 2 of my grad school friends, we were missing our quad because J didn't want to come out! It was a good night being back on Easton, I feel old going to some of my undergrad bars. It wasn't as bad as I thought because it wasn't too crowded. I ran into an old sorority sister who was doing promotions there, a nice surprise! We all had a blast, they got drunk and we laughed all night. Seriously, I love them. I am so happy that we all became such good friends.

The last picture is of me and my high school boyfriend M.
How funny how times have changed. We had dinner and caught up on life. His niece is now 10 years old, which means we dated 10 years ago. I can not even believe that. It is so crazy to me. He is doing so well for himself and I could not be happier for him. Like I told him, I didn't spend 3 years shaping him up to turn out bad haha.
I loved seeing him. It was a wonderful dinner.

Rutgers Day!
Being out in the sun really wears you out. I was volunteering for 5 hours passing out candy, tote bags, all the goodies. Giving away stuff when people answered our questions correctly, and even when they didn't. Some of my favorite EOHSI people were there and I had a blast. I ate cotton candy at 10:30 in the morning. Sugar rush? Yes.

Afterwards I went to visit some old college friends. BBQ, football, cornhole, and beer pong. Oh spring you are looking wonderful. These guys all went to high school with me too, but we didn't hang out until college and it was wonderful to see them. They are a great group of guys. Good looking group too! Yeah we are.


It was very eventful.
I have been stressing out over school. This is the last week of classes and I need to finish up some work ASAP.
So on that note, off I go!

I hope you all had great weekends!

qotm/this week

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. - Marilyn Monroe


When my love life was falling apart around me my best friend P kept me strong. Through the constant phone calls, texts, and pep talks she always knew exactly what to say to make me feel like I would be okay. One of my favorite things was this quote. Because when I look at my life right now, things are falling together and I smile.

This past weekend I met up with him to get the rest of my things back.
I had been waiting for this moment for a long time and if you had asked me a month ago how I saw it going, I would have told you that I wanted to pour my heart out and tell him how much he had hurt me and how I could not believe the way he went about this whole situation. In reality, it didn't go like that. We sat in a parking lot where we used to go to the movies and talked. We asked how we were and we awkwardly laughed at each other and we were happy that the other was doing well. I genuinely was happy to hear he was doing well and a bit sad to see us this way.

Can we be friends?
I have no idea.
Do I want to be?
I have no idea because before we met up, I assumed I would never speak to him again after I received my things. And who knows, maybe that will happen.
We are both happy and I am content with that.

I find it a bit amusing talking about my ex, considering tonight I am going out to dinner with my ex from high school. But those feelings with M don't exist. We dated so long ago and we were still friends afterwards. He is in town for a few weeks and I have no problem seeing him and I am so excited to see him. It's been over 3 years. People that say you can not be friends with your ex are not always right.



This week has been a blur.

• I went to J's volleyball games. I am awkward. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I could talk to a brick wall and have a full conversation, yet with him - I am tongue tied and have no idea what to say. I am not myself and it confuses me. I just don't think I'm ready, but it was enjoyable.
• Presentations this week. Classes are just about done. One class is completely done for me. OMG.
• Bars on a Wednesday night? Yes. I am getting too old for that though. I love my friends. Pictures soon to come. Graduation week has been planned, decorations have been getting ready. We are all ready. KBSJ. We can not wait.

Volunteering this weekend. BBQs and friends. Homework. I love the sunny weather that is approaching.


Enjoy the weekend everyone!

25 secrets

I am actually terrified to move to California; but I can not wait.

Being a vegetarian and driving manual are two things he taught me that I am eternally grateful for.

I haven't gained weight since I was 14.

So no, being a vegetarian is not the reason I am this skinny. Genetics. All genetics.

I write in all capital letters.

And it's really difficult for me to write lowercase, I forget sometimes.

I talk to my best friend on the phone everyday on my drive home from work.

And the conversation is always different.

When someone takes the parking spot I am leaving, I get really excited and happy for them (seriously, don't judge).

This song broke my heart and got me through everything all at the same time. Confusing, I know.

11 is my favorite number.

Yet, I dislike odd numbers except numbers that are a multiple of 5.

The Big Bang Theory makes me laugh out loud ALL of the time.

Finding a new job is going to suck because I love my coworkers.

I laugh at almost anything mildly humorous.

Probably when it's not that funny, I still laugh or at least have a huge smile on my face.

For this reason, I have a terrible poker face.

I went on a date 2 weeks ago :)

I am addicted to Starbucks coffee: iced, caramel, soy (only when it's made correctly though).

I will never date a guy who doesn't like Fifa.

This list is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.

Avocados make me cringe, I keep trying them and can't get passed the texture.

The incorrect use of your and you're drives me absolutely crazy.

I refuse to drive through a "drive-thru" because they scare me.

In 16 days I will no longer be 25.


inspired by Elise

letting go.

I'm letting go, but I've never felt better.
Passing by all the monsters in my head ♥
      - Slow and Steady - Of Monsters And Men

I love this song. I listen to it almost everyday.
I have a playlist of songs that have helped me get through this mess. Some make my heart ache because I still wonder what could I have done differently and some bring me to the reality that I am doing just fine without you. That maybe what people say is right, I am better off and one day I will look back and realize it was the best thing.

I deserve more.
I deserve better.
I am worth more than I ever thought.

My past relationships have always had some lessons learned. I need to learn to stop always thinking about the other person first when it isn't reciprocated. I need to learn to take care of myself and enjoy who I am without losing myself in someone else's life.

We accept the love we think we deserve.
This weekend I watched Perks of Being a Wallflower and this was one of my favorite quotes. I think I deserve more. I deserve to find someone who will understand me and make me feel good about myself. I deserve to find someone who will do the things I love because it makes them happy too. And he did at times, but things changed. We changed.

I am finding myself through all of this. And I love it.
I am being bold and going after what I want. And it paid off.
There's other fish in the sea.


I closed a chapter of my life today and as I drove away crying, I took a breath and could feel the heaviness of it all disappear.
I love him and I appreciate him, so much more this past week or two, because I let go. I was able to look back and finally not care. I stopped caring about why. It really doesn't matter why. Nothing will change and as much as I had hoped for months that things could change and I could be that girl to make him happy, it wasn't going to happen. I can not make someone love me and I shouldn't have to convince someone to either.
I am so happy to say goodbye, and maybe hello again in the future.


So I stopped thinking about him and started thinking about someone else.
And that cheesy butterfly feeling came back.
We accept the love we think we deserve.

And I deserve to be happy.

what's going on..

And the countdowns begin..
My birthday: 18 days
Graduation: 3 weeks
Cape Cod: 4.5 weeks
Disney World: 8 weeks.
Moving to California: undetermined, but definite.


Yes. Three weeks until graduation. And I can not wait because those girls are awesome. I am so happy I met them and they make graduating that much better. AC for "senior week" and my birthday, decorating our caps, and just having an all around blast before we finish our Masters degrees. Three of us will be taking a summer class together and spending a lot of our time at the beach too.

My life right now?
Once again a roller coaster of emotional craziness. I think I blame PMS for a lot of it but I also think that being an open book has been my gateway to feeling better.
My life is falling into place. My future is looking brighter and I am happier than I have been in a long time. I am finally looking beyond what happened and understanding that we learn from our mistakes and you grow from the experiences in your life.

I find myself reconnecting with friends and enjoying it so much more than I used to.
I find myself not having to worry about what someone else might think of my actions and judge me for being the person I am.
I find myself branching out.

California is in my sights and I can feel it. As the weather gets nicer, I can feel myself enjoying it all-year-round, not just for the summer. My grad school friends say no and want me to stay but they're excited because they will have someone to visit. My coworkers are sad because they will miss me but they are beyond excited for me to graduate. A party to be planned. I love my job. I hate science but love my coworkers. But that is still far away.

Vacations this summer.
Beach every weekend.
Graduation. Graduation. Graduation.
It's what I am thinking about right now. I worked so hard for this and he was the reason I did it so quickly, I am so thankful for that.


But for now I will enjoy my life because I deserve it.